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Two Fathers, to Fathers

What does it take to make a man a father? They say no man is ready until the little one is out and you’d just have to wing it through the diapers and midnight cries. Beyond all that, becoming a father is said to soften the hardest of characters and strengthen the weakest of hearts, and nobody can attest to this better than fathers themselves.

It takes one father to truly know what father-to-bes are going to face at the arrival of their child. With that in mind, we invited Tan Sung Lin, a father-to-be, and Adrian Cheong, father to a daughter just shy of 2 years, to a frank and light-hearted conversation steering into fatherhood and domestic life; from one man to the other, one father to the other.

 

An expectant father like Sung must be feeling excited and perhaps overwhelmed. What advice do you have for him?

A: I think it’s great to have that excitement. I think there will always be concerns and fears on how I’m going to be a father, how I’m going to hold him and how am I going to change the diapers. This is all part of the excitement and fear. I think you’ll learn. I don’t want to be the guy that says you won’t be getting enough sleep and you’ll be overly tired. The tradeoff is that you’re going to be happier. I’ve never been so happy to wake up at 5am to make milk for my kid. If you asked me to wake up at 5am for anything else, just kill me. But whenever Valerie asks me, “Daddy, I want milk,” I’ll happily make it for her, ’cause she knows she can always count on me. I think you learn from doing. Once you’ve done it a few times, you’ll get the hang of it. It’s going to be exciting. Having a child around is always good.

 

What are some of the most important values you’d want your child to first learn?

A: The value of giving. The value of loving God. The value of patience as well. I think they’re important, especially reading the Bible. If she learns to read the Word of God, understand and get to know God, then I think her future is sorted out. It’s important that she discovers God herself. I mean, we can always tell her the goodness of God and what Jesus has done for us, but she must have her own revelation. Once that’s sorted out, the fruits of the Spirit will be in her. That’s what we hope. That’s what we want.

Because of the pregnancy, we actually pray more; there are more reasons to pray.

 

What do you do to bond with your child?

S: The child’s not out yet as Gladys is still pregnant. We pray for the baby every night and read some Bible verses. Because of the pregnancy, we actually pray more; there’re more reasons to pray. I’ll just put my hand on Gladys’ belly and pray.

A: Nice! We will always read at night. We’ll read in the room, and I’ll put my phone and my laptop elsewhere; all my work is outside the room. We keep this moment quite sacred actually. We’ve been reading the same book all over again! Before we read, before we sleep, we pray. We make it a part of the culture in our family. I think that’s good because the bonding is in the undivided attention. When we read, we journey with her. Interestingly, now, she can finish the sentences before we do. I think that’s precious to us because we really bond.

I guess I don’t want to be out that much now. I get homesick. When I travel nowadays, I want to go back home.

 

How has life changed since Valerie appeared in your life?

A: For sure, we have to do things a lot earlier. Once we got Valerie, we learned to manage time a lot better. If we have an appointment, we pre-plan because there’s a lot of packing to do. Nowadays, I never go out empty-handed.

Personally, in my own life, how has it affected me? I guess I don’t want to be out that much now. I get homesick. When I’m traveling, I want to go back home. So I think that has changed for me. I used to go out and not text my wife until she asked where I was. Now I just want to be at home a lot more.

 

How has pregnancy taught you to prepare for the arrival of your child?

S: I think how I’m preparing for them would probably be in my finances. Knowing that expenses would be going up a bit more, we try to work a bit harder. We try to save up as much as we can. We also prepared ourselves by sleeping a bit more, knowing we won’t be getting much of that later. When we had saving up in mind, we were blessed; Gladys had a lot of gigs, and our business was a bit more stable and doing better. So we can see the hand of God over our lives, knowing there’d be more expenses, there was more income to prepare for that. We’ve also been going for a prenatal class.

A: Did they make you pinch Gladys?

S: Yes. Finally got to do that! We got to prepare in every way.

A: Very interesting thing you said regarding finances; you started your business when he was conceived, and I also started my business when Michelle was pregnant. There was a lot of uncertainty about finances as well because we came out of our corporate job security. But you mentioned God was always there, which is true. We realized we had wisdom to handle finances quite well. Some things we didn’t need—good to have but unneeded—were given up. You know some people buy strollers that look like spaceships? We bought a second-hand stroller and people just blessed us with carriers like Ergobaby. Magical. God will move so we don’t need to keep thinking about saving so much money to buy super-expensive stuff. Somebody once told me: the baby doesn’t know, it’s just us. So we can deal with it.

 

If you could choose one of your wife’s trait to pass to your baby, what would it be?

S: Everything! I would pass everything.

A: One, bro. It says one trait. Not every trait

S: Looks. We are really praying that baby’s eyes will be big. Very important for the kid’s future.

A: It doesn’t mean only facial traits, could be personality traits.

S: Maybe her character. ‘Cause mine was messed up when I was a kid. And I only got saved maybe ten years ago, and that’s when I started experiencing all that change. But before that, I was really naughty. So hopefully our upcoming baby will have Gladys’ looks, traits and everything.

A: I just wanted Valerie to have big eyes. And she has big eyes.

I really hope that my kid will love church as much as I love church. Love people, going to Connect Groups, going for activities, Bible studies, prayer meetings…

 

If you could choose one of your traits to pass to the baby, what would it be?

A: I always tell my wife, “There’s a fine line between stubbornness and determination.” I choose to see the determination. I would want Valerie to be very determined in what she wants to do.

S: If there’s any good thing about me, it’s loving God and loving people. Not boasting about myself, but I really hope that my kid will love church as much as I love church. Love people, going to Connect Groups, going for activities, Bible studies, prayer meetings…

A: So the path for your child is that you want him to be a Connect Group leader?

S: Yes, Connect Group leader. No, actually, Zone leader. Connect Group leader brings dishonor to the family. (laughs)

 

Which is your biggest challenge at home? Cooking or cleaning?

A: Actually, if you say cooking, you’ll need to clean as well. So cooking and cleaning comes together. For me, I think it’s cleaning. The mounds of rubbish you need to throw because of diapers is next level.

S: I have not realized that. I cook and I also clean. Not complaining about my wife, but doing both at the moment is a challenge.

But I think time spent with the kids is the challenge because both parents are working. How much time are you able to spend with the kid?

 

Do you think today’s fathers have it harder, easier, or just different?

A: Hmmm… today’s fathers. I wouldn’t say harder or easier because I don’t know. But I think it would be slightly different. Because the problems we face today are very different from what they used to face. I mean, today there are so many things to worry about. Last time, some fathers had 20 kids, 30 kids, and they seemed to be okay. Now we have one kid and we’re all like, “Ahhh! Help me!” The problems we see today, like finances, are quite a big thing. Back in the day, I don’t think it was as big, not that it’s not important. Just not as “crazy big”.

S: I would say financially, it’s probably easier today, because both sides, mom and dad, will work and provide. But I think time spent with the kids is the challenge because both parents are working. How much time are you able to spend with the kid?

 

If you had your way, what would you name your son or daughter?

S: I always wanted to name my son either Titus, which is my alter ego’s name, or Victor, after my dad. None of these names were approved, as you can tell.

A: I wanted to name my kid Emmanuelle, but my wife said, “Thou shalt not use God’s name in vain.” So that was thrown out.

 

Did you have a preference for a particular gender?

S: At one point we really wanted to build a generation of strong men who’d love God. And then we saw how monstrous a little boy can be

A: And how beautiful a little girl is.

S: And how beautiful a little girl is. So nice to see. They don’t make a lot of noise, they’re not very active. That’s what we thought. But now that we know our baby is going to be a boy, we’re continually trying to renew our mindset. Receiving the conviction again.

A: I don’t think it’s a big preference for either of us, boy or girl. I mean, we’re happy. No preference, but hopefully the next one is a boy.

 

What is the most embarrassing thing you would do to your son or daughter when he/she grows up?

S: I want to go to school and pick up my kid in front of his friends, probably topless.

A: Why?

S: I don’t know. Just to embarrass my son. This is just one of the things I’m thinking about. There are a lot more.

A: I think hang out with her first date. When she has a boyfriend, gotta bring me out as well. I mean, they get a seat, the guy needs to think of uncle. Uncle needs to get a seat in between so she can hold my hand. He can hold my hand too, if he wants, but I won’t let him. If any guy comes and asks me if he can bring my daughter out, I’ll ask, “Can I come along?”

S: I’ll be there to support you.

A: I’ll be there to support you too. Let me get my knife.

As requested by their wives, we pitted our young fathers against each other to find out who knows how to better take care of their baby! Boba wrap, baby swaddle and mixing milk, these are the essentials every father has to learn. Check out the video below to see their attempts!

Superhero In Our Eyes

Being a #CollectiveKids teacher is no easy feat but a truly rewarding one. A big thanks to all our teachers for making church an eventful part of these kids’ lives!


Find your calling in molding leaders of the next generation by joining Collective Kids today. Drop us an email at kids@collective.my and we’ll get you started!

A Mother’s Stand

I found it difficult to be a single mother. Even more so in a church community. A church is supposed to be perfect. And yet, no one sees a single mother as perfect even if being one was not by choice. As a single mother, I was looked at as someone evil or someone who will break the homes and families of others. If people understood the pain that I have gone through, they will realise that I would never even think of putting another family through the same pain. I tried hard to make the best of my situation without caring about what others may think. All I needed was some support. Not financial support of any sort, just support from people who were willing to be genuine friends.

As I faced each day, one at a time, it was hard to find people who could understand my predicament.

In this journey, the most interesting experience for me, as a single mother, was when Zechary was 10, not too long after his older brother had passed away. Zechary was a little nervous during his water baptism. When his name was called out to give a testimony, he thanked God for being able to obey His commands to be water baptized so that he may see his brother again in heaven. As a mother who had just lost one of her sons, that was very comforting for me. Before then, I did not realise how much God had touched him through his 10 years of living.

Raising Zechary by myself was not very enjoyable. Both him and his brother were very close. Since then, Zechary was alone for most of his life. While he was still manageable in his pre-teen years, he started longing to be more independent and to think for himself as he grew older, and that was difficult for me. I did not, however, spare the rod on him. For an only child like him with an absent father figure, I would always think that he was trying to get on top of my head. I had to show him that that was not going to be easy, that I am both a mother and a father. Once I remembered laughing at an essay he wrote about me: “My mommy is a very firm and strong woman yet gentle and loving but don’t make her angry because you won’t like it.”

Though it made me laugh, it also made me realise that my footing with Zechary has always been firm. A lot of people say that I spoil him but you would hear otherwise if you asked Zechary about it. I did cane him when he misbehaved but he outgrew the cane when he started to grow taller than me. There were times where I wanted to give up. The hard work of being a mother and to provide meals on the table were not the things that were taking a toll on me. It was the challenge and the disappointment I faced from bringing Zechary up. I remember telling Zechary that he should pray that I never give up on him because that would be the end.

Humorously, Zechary said “Mommy, I think you cannot give up on me because this is your ministry. God gave you this ministry and you cannot leave it unfinished or unattended.” 

In my room, I argued with God. Training my child to grow up as one who fears God was my biggest struggle. Many friends and people from church saw Zechary as an angel but to me, he was far from that! I attended counselling and sought help, yet time after time, I was always told that I should give him time to grow up and everything will be alright. As a single mother, I wanted to give up; I did not have the time nor patience. Why was it so painful to raise a child? My life was consumed by frustrations, nervousness and anxiety.

As a single mother, I did not have enough time or patience and I wanted to give up. I thought children who went to church would grow up to be more resilient.

As I faced each day, one at a time, it was hard to find people who could understand my predicament. One day when I was listening to the song “Jesus at the Center”, I realized my mistake—placing Zechary first in every aspect of my life instead of Jesus. When I repented, things became less burdensome because I learned to let go and gave myself time to focus on my career and relationship with God. Now, I am less concerned and anxious about Zechary, giving room for him to take up responsibilities and mature as an adult. For the first time, he surprised me on my birthday last year by taking me out for a meal. This year too, even when it was raining cats and dogs!

Through my years of being a single mother, I have learnt that ‘single mother’ is just a title and nothing more.

The fondest memory I had being a single mother was to let go of my decade-old job. It was not an easy decision as I was at the prime of being a day care operator. Throughout those 10 years, Zechary was understanding and never complained about the noise or the children. Right after his last SPM paper, he came home and sat me down for a serious talk about college. We knew it would require a significant figure to support his studies, and my current earnings weren’t enough. I hid in my closet and started asking God questions. Where will I find the money? The idea of returning to the corporate scene which I left 10 years ago was daunting, but Zechary was confident that it’ll be alright. Even though God assured me that He will provide, I thought He was being humorous. By faith, I decided to shutdown the business. It really broke my heart to see the children crying but I had to put Zechary first.

 

Through my years of being a single mother, I have learnt that ‘single mother’ is just a title and nothing more. The only difference is the responsibilities I have to hold because I am both a mother and a father. On one hand, I want to be a mother full of gentleness so Zechary has someone to fall back on. On the other hand, I have to be a father and give Zechary the firmness and assurance he needs. I realized it didn’t matter whether or not you are a single mother, as long as you aspire to do your best as a parent. I did not choose to go into depression and hold myself a pity party so that others can carry me. There is a time, a season for everything, but I will always have to rise up and be prudent. God has continuously been faithful in my life, keeping me strong and healthy throughout the years.

I do not believe that there should be a negative stigma to being a single mother. I stand tall as one.

Sometimes I think my experience is a blessing because I can now lend a shoulder to a lot of ladies who are hurting in that situation especially those who are in the marketplace. I did not have someone to hear me out when I was in that situation and I want to be different. When the children are having their afternoon naps in the daycare, I will open a small table where I serve a cup of tea or coffee to give a few ladies an avenue for them to open up. I am thankful that God saw me as someone strong and faithful enough to be thrown into such waters. I intend to use this blessing to encourage other mothers. I do not believe that there should be a negative stigma to being a single mother. I stand tall as one.

If he shines, it is not because of me. It is because of God. 

As his mother, every time I look at Zechary, I pray that he will continuously love God and be readily available to carry out His commands. One thing I will always remember is that Zechary does not belong to me. Once I have surrendered my son unto God, everything began to change. If he shines, it is not because of me. It is because of God.

A Mother, And More

I am a full time mother and wife and I have always been proud to say it. A mother who cooks, cleans and is committed to raising my child to be God-fearing, people-loving. I suppose for most married women, that is the calling.

I love what I do as a mother. Hand to heart, I do. But over the years, the role and routine of being a mother and only a mother, left me somewhat disappointed with myself. I remember the days that I dreamt of doing great things for God, the days I had an impassioned fire burning in me to do His work. Those days… were gone.

I wanted to know what happened to the dreams and visions that God once planted in my heart. Has He forgotten? Have I given up?

Even as I believed God loves me, I ironically also bought into the idea that He was disappointed in me. “Mary failed the test, big time.” is how I imagined He would talk about me. Friends would comfort me, telling me that to raise a child is to serve God. But every time someone said that, my heart would question, “Is that all there is for me?”

Deep down, I wanted more. I wanted to know where the fire had gone, and if it would ever be ignited again. I wanted to know what happened to the dreams and visions that God once planted in my heart. Has He forgotten? Have I given up?

Maybe in some ways, I have succumbed to my flesh – resigned to being just a housewife and nothing more. Maybe the fear of leaving my comfort zone became so deafening that I never got to hear His call for me to be more.

Then, there was the WMVMT Camp. It seemed appropriate that I go. After all, it was a camp championing women, mothers, wives. I have been to many, many camps, but soon I saw that this one wouldn’t be the same.

I may be a mother and a wife, but I am first a child of God.

In her message, Esther shared about women feeling trapped in their routine and how it’s up to us to remove these anchors that weighed us down; it’s up to us to keep sailing for a God-centred life. It suddenly hit me that these women knew all too well what I was going through. Here we were, a group of wholehearted women gathered in a room to hear His word, all the while going through similar struggles and fighting the same battles within. Honestly, to believe that you are not alone in it, is half the battle.

Responding to altar call felt like my first swing at removing that anchor, heavy over my heart. I came to learn that if I took the first step, God always answers. At that altar call, I wept buckets and much tears, I experienced Word after Word from the Lord. He loves me and He has not forgotten — not me, not my dreams and visions. He remembers it all.

It was a time of healing, from guilt and the lies of the enemies. The camp may be over, but I know that God is not over with me yet.

I came to learn that if I took the first step, God always answers.

I clean the house, and still, I can do more for Christ. I cook, but still, I can hold on to His dreams, I care for my child, and still, I can carry His visions for me.

I may be a mother and a wife, but I am first a child of God.

Journey Back Home

I started attending CHCKL when I came to here to study in 2008. It was never a question since so many of my hometown friends were already rooted here. Regularly, I went to church services and cell group. Though it seemed like all was well, I was rather hard-headed back then and that eventually became a barrier for me. My then cell group leader, Hazel, had a difficult time trying to get through to me. I evaded anything to do with the word ‘accountable’ and my ego got the best of me. Slowly, I slipped away.

Bitterness got the better of me and it emanated in every area of my life, so much so that even my mother, who is a non-believer, would insinuate that I should get back to church.

That was the beginning of year 2010, and from there, everything took a turn for the worse. Leaving church hardened my heart and I began looking at every aspect of life through a negative lens. I looked for love in all the wrong places and made regretful decisions along the way. Bitterness got the better of me and it emanated in every area of my life, so much so that even my mother, who is a non-believer, would insinuate that I should get back to church.

I believed the lie that I was unworthy of anything good.

To be honest, even though I had an inkling of longing in my heart to return, I felt too ashamed. Too ashamed to face God and to face my God-fearing peers. I believed the lie that I was unworthy of anything good.

It all changed in November 2014, when I came across an invitation from a church member, Ben Yaep, to Chromeheart. I didn’t know what had gotten into me then, but I suddenly decided that I would go.

I remember that day as if it was yesterday. I stepped into church not knowing what to expect, but a warm sense of belonging surged within me. Nearly 5 years later, everything in church had changed. The new building swarmed with new faces, yet I still felt very much at home. Greeting me as I walked through that door was a familiar face — Pastor Kevin’s. To my surprise, he remembered me. Amidst the thousands he had ministered to, he knew my name even when I had not been in church for many years.

There was nothing different that morning but I knew nothing was the same all because I had made that very first step towards God.

Chromeheart was a mind-blowing experience, and I re-surrendered my heart to God at the altar call. I knew I wanted to be back in this community and that my life had to change. There was nothing different that morning but I knew nothing was the same all because I had made that very first step towards God. My heart was already lighter but God’s plan to bring me home did not end there.

 “ Why would a pastor of such a huge church pray for someone whose role in church is so small, almost negligible?”

Two days later, a Facebook message from Pastor Kevin popped up in my inbox. He told me that he had been praying for me and seeing me walking into church was a prayer answered. I broke into tears, like a well in me had cracked open. In my mind, only one question resounded; “ Why would a pastor of such a huge church pray for someone whose role in church is so small, almost negligible?”. That night, I truly encountered God again. ln all the days I spent without Him, I had felt broken and it was at that very moment, I knew what it was like to feel whole again.

I still have no explanation for what made me decide to go for Chromeheart that day, only that I believe it was the work of the Holy Spirit. No matter how far away I have wandered, His grace would have reached me still. I began to grasp my true worth in God, to understand His love for me. I learned to never underestimate the power of prayer.

I’m the happiest that I can be at this point of my life, not because I have no worries or no struggles, but because I finally feel like I am where I should be.

It has been a little more than two years since I came back to church, and I’m now back in Hazel’s cell group D21, and am serving in the worship ministry.

I’m the happiest that I can be at this point of my life, not because I have no worries or no struggles, but because I finally feel like I am where I should be.

This journey back home was not an easy one, but it was well worth it.

Finding Purpose

EUPHORIA, a time you find yourself and your purpose. It is also about giving the best time of your youth to build His people and Kingdom. The EUPHORIA experience is life-changing, and mine is just one of the many lives impacted.

My journey with EUPHORIA dates all the way back to 2015 when I first began helping out in the Chorusboard team. Now known as Visuals, the Chorusboard team was a very behind-the-scenes ministry. Unlike the worship team or the ushers who got to meet face-to-face with the people who came for services, we were only known to most as the two black windows on the wall of the main auditorium. Our designs on pamphlets, flyers and the LED screen would “meet” people more than we did; and you could’ve passed by multiple members of our team and never even have noticed. But despite it all, the memories of spending late nights designing slides together are still etched in my mind and hold so dear to me. We stayed so much in the the Black Room that it became a home away from home for us, and it still is.

… they taught me that there was no lesser role in serving, because we are all part of the same body.

Being part of the team to kick-start EUPHORIA then was quite intimidating, but it was also very exciting because I got to serve alongside so many committed and dedicated individuals. They believed in me and what I was capable of achieving. And they taught me that there was no lesser role in serving, because we are all part of the same body.

It was our best offering to God.

Through serving, I learned to appreciate the amount of work that went into perfecting a single service. I sacrificed sleep to stare into laptop monitors and completing designs in the wee hours. Though it was tiring, I felt it was all worth it the very moment our work appeared on the huge LED screen, guiding the congregation into an atmosphere of praise for the Lord. Nothing else felt as precious and rewarding. It was our best offering to God.

When EUPHORIA returned last year with “Now or Never”, I stepped out and joined the committee without a second thought. One of the fondest memories I still like to recall is of the time we shot the launch video. I remember working under the scorching sun that day and expecting to have one of the worst experiences of our lives. Instead, we got a good laugh when the then-Tribe Leaders emerged from the shoot with geometrical tan lines on their face thanks to their tribal face paint.

Now, I no longer feel like a stranger; I feel a much stronger sense of belonging in this big place.

During this little episode, I got to know each Tribe Leader personally and this helped me crawl out of my shell, in a social sense. If not for EUPHORIA, I’d most likely still be in my little bubble, talking only to my Cell Group members. Now, I no longer feel like a stranger; I feel a much stronger sense of belonging in this big place.

Currently in the third season of EUPHORIA, I’ve come to find more meaning and purpose in it. From being a month-long event, it has grown into a full-fledged, three-month long affair, and it has provided me opportunities to challenge myself, step up my game and to balance what little time I have between church, home, and university.

The best thing about EUPHORIA is definitely making new friends and discovering the parts of ourselves that we never knew. It opens a window of opportunity for new friends to be immersed in the CHCKL community. Through my time serving, I’ve met the most amazing people and learned the most valuable life lessons. During the early days of my Chorusboard journey, Frieda Choong – my team leader back then – taught me how to cope with pressure, to stay joyful even under immense stress and to always enjoy the process no matter how hard things got. And working with Li Hui – CHCKL’s graphic designer – taught me the finer aspects of juggling heavy workloads, and to always treasure the value of team spirit and serving in unity.

But when I think of my friends who have yet to find God, I find the strength to keep going and giving my all into making EUPHORIA successful.

I’d always thought that being behind the scenes meant that we’d never have the opportunity to impact lives directly. But seeing how new friends integrate so easily into our community through our weekly summary videos, I realise that our effort does indeed bear fruit. Take for example the basketball players who took part in church-organised competitions. They eventually became part of the CHCKL basketball team, back when we had one. For them, it wasn’t just finding a community that shared an interest, but also gaining enduring friends to do life together beyond basketball.

I’ll admit — working to make EUPHORIA what it is isn’t easy. But when I think of my friends who have yet to find God, I find the strength to keep going and giving my all into making EUPHORIA successful. To reach out to them, get them rooted in church and see them walk a new journey with God; this is why I do what I do.

Eyes on Him

For the members of CHCKL, “euphoria” is not just a word; it is a season, a period of challenges, a time for realisations and many moments of decisions that the youths make for the kingdom of God. To us, “euphoria” is not just intense excitement or happiness. EUPHORIA is our youth conference; a season of empowerment and life-changing stories — this is one of those stories.

It started with Daniel Kuilan and his team appointing me as one of the game coordinators for EUPHORIA 2016. Then, I only knew that my role as a game coordinator would require commitment in always taking the time to oversee the games and make sure that everyone was doing their part. I was only half right.

Through that process,  I learned that when you have to deal with people with different backgrounds and different opinions, someone is bound to be dissatisfied with your decisions and compromises would have to be made.

Reality presented itself the moment Euphoria season started. Being a game coordinator requires a lot of attention to detail. At first, it was the game mechanics that I always had to think about, constantly weighing the pros and cons of my planning. I had to be mindful of decisions that might have instant results, but would cause more problems in the long run, and be tactful in making decisions that will yield the best solution even when they were difficult.

EUPHORIA 2016 saw a total of 14 games. To better execute these games, I learned to  communicate and work with people from all walks of life. Through that process,  I learned that when you have to deal with people with different backgrounds and different opinions, someone is bound to be dissatisfied with your decisions and compromises would have to be made. In the end, it all boils down to the importance of keeping everyone well informed. From tribe leaders to the media team and the medal or trophy suppliers, I made sure everyone was clear on the details and any changes that came after.

Every time this happened, I reminded myself and the team what the core purpose of Euphoria is; to save the lost and get them rooted in church.

As the season progressed, I was soon in a cycle of preparing for the game, relaying information to everyone, overseeing the game as it commenced and solving problems as they came; you never really know what would go wrong. I began to feel pressured and burdened by the constant need to make sure everything ran as planned and that everyone understood the mechanics. The whole process was becoming too much for me and, at times, I would find myself breaking down because I felt so drained and demotivated.

…but in the end, I had nothing to worry about because I have a God who knows what I don’t.

Every time this happened, I reminded myself and the team what the core purpose of Euphoria is; to save the lost and get them rooted in church. Every time I feel like I had used up all my energy, I remember that it is not by my own strength, but by God’s. I began to shift my perspective and focus on God. Every time I became upset and blamed myself that something did not go as planned, I remember that while we will always have our flaws, God will always be there for us. That is why, despite the constant challenges, I chose again and again to believe in Him and give my all to further His kingdom through seeing to the success of EUPHORIA. I was only half right about the commitment that running this conference required, but in the end, I had nothing to worry about because I have a God who knows what I don’t.

He Is Stronger

There was a point in my life when I so clearly remember someone coming up to me in the middle of my sharing to ask, “Why are you still like this? It has been so long already.” In reality, it had barely been a month after my dad’s passing.

Despite having known that he will leave us ever since he was diagnosed with cancer 6 years ago, I was unable to accept reality when it happened and I was too heartbroken to pick up the pieces after he left. Growing up, our relationship as father and daughter was closer than most. He was the loving parent who placed me first above all, and the person who would do anything and everything for me. He was someone whom I depended on and trusted with my whole heart. When he departed last year, I remember it being a particularly difficult year to endure. Perhaps it was because many around me couldn’t comprehend the extent of my grief. Perhaps, it also made me realise how much my dad meant to me and thus, inflicting a deeper degree of pain in my heart.

…I never faltered and was able to overcome them all knowing that I have a Big God. However, I hit a wall with my dad’s death.

In the past, whenever I reflected on the ups and downs in my life, I always prided myself on being able to face them with a positive mindset, moving on quickly from my losses — from losing the car I had always dreamed of, getting robbed, to losing my five-figure income overnight, I never faltered and was able to overcome them all knowing that I have a Big God. However, I hit a wall with my dad’s death. If not for God, there were just too many an occasion where I felt like giving up altogether on life, to just jump off the condominium I was living in because I didn’t want to face tomorrow, not without him. Barely able to muster enough strength to face each passing day, I lived without purpose and direction. My business dwindled. Everything else felt like it was withering around me and I grew desolate.

During this time, I spent most of my days alone because I did not wish to talk to anyone. I travelled on my own to many places and while many learned of my travels from Facebook, not many knew the grieving that was going on the inside of me. I was taking a break from life to allow God to deal with my grieving. I was seeking His grace, just so I’d have enough to press on each day.

We just need to embrace every season as they come and trust that our God is a good God and that He will make everything work in His ways.

It was last year while I was in Vancouver that God spoke to me. It was autumn and the weather was gloomy and grey — as was the condition of my life. I was questioning myself inside out, “Why am I so weak when I have such a great God?”. Having forced myself to move on to no avail, I struggled to understand myself, even becoming upset with myself. It was during these dark moments that God reminded me of His presence. He said in Eccl 3:1, “To everything there is a season. A time for every purpose under heaven.” Verse 4 says, “A time to weep; And a time to laugh. A time to mourn; And a time to dance.” God gently and lovingly reminded me that I am weak and therefore, I needed Him in my life. I realised I didn’t have to rush through the season, only to embrace it. Just like autumn, the leaves fell off from the trees. After winter, they will return anew — a cycle that happens every year. But just like our lives, it’s not a process we can rush. We go through autumn and winter in our lives, and spring and summer will certainly follow. We just need to embrace every season as they come and trust that our God is a good God and that He will make everything work in His ways. Eccl 3:11 says, “Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time.”

It was also during this season that Pastor Kevin launched the theme for our church; STRONGER. I knew, at that very moment, it was a confirmation from God. My breakthrough is coming and my new season has arrived. Pastor Kevin said “When we have problems, seek God, not people”, and it hit me right in the heart. All these while, I was always steady because I anchored my hopes and confidence in my dad, knowing that he had my back. When he was gone, I lost my pillar and began to carry the burdens with my own strength, constantly questioning and doubting myself. Similarly, when I was a younger Christian, the first person I would turn to when I had a problem was my mentor, Shirley Boon. It was a simple reflex to look for people for help. I sought people when I should have sought God. I was taught to control my emotions lest I be controlled by it. Ironically, it was my own battle with emotion that made me realise how weak I was. More than self-control, I needed to bring my emotions before God. As I journey on this walk with Him, I am learning to depend on Him more and more; leaning on others and even myself less and less.

More than self-control, I needed to bring my emotions before God.

Living in the fast pace of the city lifestyle, we are constantly rushing from one agenda to another, barely pausing to rest. It is in the experiencing God’s presence that we find rest, and more. In those very still moments with God, miracles happen, visions birth forth and healing take place.

When we choose to open our hearts, God whispers His secrets to us: His love is perfect, and it’s more than enough for us.

I am a Missionary

Barely passing the halfway point of the year, twenty-seventeen has been a heck of a ride for me. It was during the transition between my Pre-U and Undergraduate Studies when I decided to take a gap year, more like 8 months, to do things I enjoy and pick up both old and new skills. However, when I received my underwhelming results from my A Levels in January, disqualifying me from my intended course of study, I was dejected.

It was a season of navigating my own wilderness. I worked for a bit, travelled, lost people dear to me and before I knew it, 4 months had passed me by. Time was ticking, and I was just as lost as I was 4 months ago. There and then, I was offered an opportunity to go on a mission trip to the Philippines. Everything fell perfectly into my schedule and I had no reason to decline.

This was my first mission trip with church and to say the least, I was nervous. Nevertheless, I jumped in on the opportunity when offered. Our team went to assist Bukang Liwayway (BL) with their youth sports camp, and I was there to serve as a photographer-cum-videographer.

I saw kids who came from less yet did not feel they were in lack. They laughed at the silliest things and they were beyond contented with the simplest things. The people there were so welcoming and friendly towards one another that cliques were a rarity. They shared everything with each other and served one another as if these things were second nature. Goofing around with the kids and making jokes despite the language barriers quickly became the best part of camp. While reflecting on the day with very little sleep, I realised that little else was as important as being present with the few skills I had; and time was the best gift I could give to them.

To the world outside, these people were just numbers in the poverty index.

Almost a quarter of the campers weren’t believers at that time but throughout the camp, watching them get saved in sessions and devotions created a certain feeling where emotions were bursting out from my chest—a happiness unlike anything as I witnessed God’s extremely evident love for these children. I’ve always been scared of praying for people but this time around, God really pushed me out of my comfort zone to pray for the children again and again. Perhaps, this is what it means to be a missionary.

I realised that little else was as important as being present with the few skills I had; and time was the best gift I could give to them.

Growing up, I’ve always enjoyed reading, which is why I hunger after great stories; and the stories of the people in Manila were the kind you simply don’t put down until you’re done reading. They have the ability to leave you breathless, make you pause and reflect before you keep going. The children who were at the camp came from various backgrounds such as living in poverty, coming from broken families, and having parents who struggled with substance abuse and alcohol abuse. Some children struggled with them too but the smiles on their faces almost never showed it.

Listening to stories about the fire that broke out—the one that affected more than 1300 families and their homes before BL started to visit and sponsor them—really broke my heart and gave me a newfound appreciation of the things I have at home, as well as the work that Pastor Fred and Mimi do there.

This trip taught me that life at its core is really simple.

To the world outside, these people were just numbers in the poverty index. But to actually see their small 15 sq ft home with a lightbulb accommodating 9-15 people in their family—that first experience and glance—was utterly beyond words. My heart ached for these people because they weren’t merely statistics and numbers, but they each had a name with potential and dreams. My heart also ached for me. Because while I had the opportunities at home, I had no ambition. Squeezing in those homes took something from me. It made more of a human and less of a machine. I learnt to feel a little deeper, live a little more and empathise a whole lot more. To be able to listen to their stories was a privilege. This was not the sort of education you received in class nor knowledge obtainable from reading reports.

This trip taught me that life at its core is really simple. As long as you have a roof over your head, food on the table, people you can do life with, and dreams; you can really do anything. I was reminded that God is bigger than my shortcomings and nothing is impossible to achieve; even broken dreams. I may have went to Manila lost and broken but I came home with a sense of direction and secure with my identity in Christ.

I am a child of God.
I am destined for greatness.
I am a missionary.

To find out more on our mission trips or to sign up for one, contact our Missions department at missions@chc.org.my.

Swallowed by His Grace

Marked by the calm vocals in the midst of a moderately upbeat electronic sound, singer-songwriter Ju En captures the tranquility of immersing in a vast ocean, revealing the allure of the Almighty’s love for us the moment we dip into it. What makes this track more appealing is the added rap in between from Shelhiel, while still upholding the easygoing temperament from the beginning.

Given the nicely packaged mix of vocals and analogy, it is no surprise that this song has stirred our curiosity to uncover the songwriter’s story behind the words. Here’s what Ju En had to say:

Grace Like An Ocean was a song that came about when I was going through a phase, struggling with emotions suppressed in me. I remembered how things happening around me felt overwhelming, but it was the perpetual reminder of His grace that constantly gave me some semblance of peace.

The writing of this song started with me on my couch, waiting for someone to pick me up. It was just an ordinary day, like any other. While waiting, I decided to play my guitar. As I casually strummed the guitar strings, I felt a nudge to sing about God’s grace. And with that, the words ‘Your grace is like an ocean’ came to mind.

God reminded me that His grace is irresistible. The moment you submerge into it, there’s no way you can get out of it.

Why the ocean in particular? God reminded me that His grace is irresistible. The moment you submerge into it, there’s no way you can get out of it.

Picture yourself plunging into the ocean’s abyss—it is visible at first as the sunlight penetrates to a certain depth, but as you gradually sink, entering the ocean’s twilight zone, you will slowly witness the colours dissolving. As you descend further, you are swallowed into utter darkness and compressed by the overpowering weight of the water. That is how I would describe the unfathomable vastness of God’s love metaphorically.

My hope is that when people listen to this song, they will learn to stop fixating on their weaknesses and instead, focus on the abundance of His unmerited grace for them. As it has been firmly assured in 2 Corinthians 12:9, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”

My hope is that when people listen to this song, they will learn to stop fixating on their weaknesses and instead, focus on the abundance of His unmerited grace for them.

Therefore, amid the struggles of life when I stand on the brink of the abyss, I know that I can reach out to Him and be swallowed by His grace, which is definitely more than enough.

CHCKL Music’s latest album – NOW / NEVER — is now available on major music platforms like Spotify and iTunes. 

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