The Love of God is Always There For Me

I came from a non-christian family. I used to be very self-centered and I would spend most of my days hiding in my room because I didn’t like to socialise. But one day, my friend, Di Ming, invited me to a church event, Euphoria. I was nervous and did not expect much from it but little did I know, this decision would change my life. 

As I became more active in church, my parents started to show resistance. When they drop me off at church every week, they would constantly ask “Why are you still going to church?”, “there’s nothing to look for in church anymore”. It was difficult to hear those questions, but I would just ignore their comments and remarks. Holding back tears and faking a smile as I entered into the church. 

One day, while we were on our way to church, my parents said something that changed me. They asked, “Do you love your God more than us?”. I was devastated. Who was more important? God? Or my parents?

Things got worst. When I went to my grandparents’ place during the holidays. Their thoughtless comments and insults like “Hallelujah liao ah?”, “Your son is into Jesus?”, “Be careful not to get brainwashed!”. Mocking against God filled the room. My heart was shaken and I rushed to my room and I cried myself to sleep that night. What did I do to deserve this? Why do the people I love ridicule God? During that night, and many nights after that, I’ve considered to stop to believing in God. To tell my parents, “I’ll stop going to church so that I will not get brainwashed.” 

I told myself God does not exist. I told myself that God is just a thought in my mind.

But is He really not real? 

My friends and my community showed me otherwise. Earlier in 2020, I had the opportunity to be under the leadership of Ryan. Together with Abi, they gave Chen Ming, Charity and I a chance to lead.  We’ve been through a lot together. There were good and bad days. It wasn’t easy. There were nights where we got scolded together, we cried together in calls and we felt frustrated at ourselves. I remember, there’s this one time, I got scolded because I failed a task and I was on the floor crying.  But the next morning, I woke up knowing that together with my friends, I can do better. Now Chen Ming and Charity are the CG leaders of S4, and I believe that’s just the beginning.

In my struggle I held on to God, He told me to “Love others as I love Him” I was sceptical about it at first, like, how do I love my family and friends like I love God? But I knew this is what I have to do, I need to love them. I began to take initiatives to be closer to my friends in CG, listening to their worries and celebrating their victories with them. I started to love and cherish my friendship with others. And the love I receive from my community changed me, even at home. I took the initiative to ask my family if they needed help around the house. I started to wash the dishes more often, and was having real conversations with my parents, rather than just saying “welcome back!” and “see you after work!”. I began to listen to my sister’s worries and talk to her more as well. I worked on those changes slowly, it took me months to make it a habit.  I began to love them as I love God. 

Over time, the comments and insults towards God slowly lessened from our conversations as my parents and grandparents could feel something was changing in me.

A few months ago, while having dinner with my parents. My mom asked, “when are you going to get baptised?” Shocked, I asked them why do they suddenly ask me this question and she said, “You’re turning 21, you have the right to choose, and we will support your decision”. I was nearly brought to tears as I heard that.

My life as a Christian from a non-believing background was a journey of consistently putting my trust in God and have faith in wherever God has placed me. I am still a work in progress, growing and learning together with my friends in CG, but I know the love of God is always there for me. He is a supernatural force that can’t be stopped.

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