A Mother, And More

I am a full time mother and wife and I have always been proud to say it. A mother who cooks, cleans and is committed to raising my child to be God-fearing, people-loving. I suppose for most married women, that is the calling.

I love what I do as a mother. Hand to heart, I do. But over the years, the role and routine of being a mother and only a mother, left me somewhat disappointed with myself. I remember the days that I dreamt of doing great things for God, the days I had an impassioned fire burning in me to do His work. Those days… were gone.

I wanted to know what happened to the dreams and visions that God once planted in my heart. Has He forgotten? Have I given up?

Even as I believed God loves me, I ironically also bought into the idea that He was disappointed in me. “Mary failed the test, big time.” is how I imagined He would talk about me. Friends would comfort me, telling me that to raise a child is to serve God. But every time someone said that, my heart would question, “Is that all there is for me?”

Deep down, I wanted more. I wanted to know where the fire had gone, and if it would ever be ignited again. I wanted to know what happened to the dreams and visions that God once planted in my heart. Has He forgotten? Have I given up?

Maybe in some ways, I have succumbed to my flesh – resigned to being just a housewife and nothing more. Maybe the fear of leaving my comfort zone became so deafening that I never got to hear His call for me to be more.

Then, there was the WMVMT Camp. It seemed appropriate that I go. After all, it was a camp championing women, mothers, wives. I have been to many, many camps, but soon I saw that this one wouldn’t be the same.

I may be a mother and a wife, but I am first a child of God.

In her message, Esther shared about women feeling trapped in their routine and how it’s up to us to remove these anchors that weighed us down; it’s up to us to keep sailing for a God-centred life. It suddenly hit me that these women knew all too well what I was going through. Here we were, a group of wholehearted women gathered in a room to hear His word, all the while going through similar struggles and fighting the same battles within. Honestly, to believe that you are not alone in it, is half the battle.

Responding to altar call felt like my first swing at removing that anchor, heavy over my heart. I came to learn that if I took the first step, God always answers. At that altar call, I wept buckets and much tears, I experienced Word after Word from the Lord. He loves me and He has not forgotten — not me, not my dreams and visions. He remembers it all.

It was a time of healing, from guilt and the lies of the enemies. The camp may be over, but I know that God is not over with me yet.

I came to learn that if I took the first step, God always answers.

I clean the house, and still, I can do more for Christ. I cook, but still, I can hold on to His dreams, I care for my child, and still, I can carry His visions for me.

I may be a mother and a wife, but I am first a child of God.

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